Exit stage right.

I spent the day in London yesterday with my very good friend Denzel. Denzel and his good lady wife Lara had got me tickets to the theatre for my recent birthday and yesterday was the day of the show. Now I like London however don’t often venture there even though it is not much more than a fairly short train journey away. There are a few reasons for this; the first being that I just find it far too busy; it’s difficult to even partake in a coffee and a bit of people watching as there are simply just too many people. The diversity of the people in London is extraordinary, especially yesterday as it just so happened to be Gay Pride day, I’m sure it’s not the norm on any other regular day for men to be walking around in just their pants but I could be wrong.
I actually found the best opportunity to grab a small snapshot of people watching was whilst travelling up and down the various escalators to and from the underground. Because although you are moving you are not physically propelling yourself forward and it is one of the very few places that I have ever found in London where people actually stand still for a moment in time, they pause for the shortest of breaths and just ride the escalator. Everybody can be found on those moving staircases, from the business man or woman to the old lady who has just popped out for some groceries, from famous celebrities to couples who are just famous to each other. Maybe one day I’ll take the time to travel up there on my own and maybe sit in Hyde Park and just watch the world go by, try and get more of a feel for our capital city.
Another reason for me not always wanting to go is because London confuses me, I easily get lost and can never find my bearings, this is difficult for me as a man to admit, as I’m sure any woman out there will tell you men will never admit to being lost. For some reason we believe that we should always know where we are and where we are going, it is deemed a failure to admit you are lost and even worse to have to ask for directions. This feeling is magnified if the man is with a woman, he cannot admit that he doesn’t know where he is, it is his job to get his lady from point A to point B and does not want to fail her which he will consider to be the case by admitting he is lost or asking a stranger for directions. By the way, a quick diversion from the main subject, if you ever are lost and do feel the need to ask for directions who to ask is probably the biggest dilemma you will ever have. Men will initially always look for another man to ask, this is by far less demeaning than asking a woman, however if you ask a fellow man and he doesn’t know where you want to go he will not admit this, so to save face himself he will just make up completely random directions and then send you off on a wild goose chase. Ask a woman and you enter a whole other world of directions, you will be directed via shops and trees, by pretty flowers and possibly even clouds, A woman will tell you to go down here and turn right at Next, carry on till you see the tree and turn left at the pretty flowers, oh and there was this funny looking cloud there earlier, its just by that. Always, always ask a taxi driver, you will get proper directions that you will understand and more importantly that are right, of course the only problem this springs up is trying to find a taxi driver that speaks English. You know I actually saw a bus driver yesterday with a map on his dashboard, that’s got to worry you when you get on.
Going back to my confusion with London I think I know what it is. People find their way around by visualisation we remember things and when we want to find our way back there we mentally take the journey in our minds first. The problem you encounter when moving around London is that this is removed from you to a certain degree. So much of your time moving from one place to another is underground. You make use of the Underground which takes away your ability to spot landmarks and to work out where you are. London is almost dissected into various different areas. For what its worth these different areas could be millions of miles apart, not connected at all physically except for this one tube that joins them, almost if you will, like one of these futuristic Hamster cages you can get, lots of different sections connected by tunnels. If you actually wanted to walk from one section to another you couldn’t, you would just hit a clear plastic wall. And so because you move from one section to another without external reference via the underground and because when you go down your body compass is thrown into disarray by the various twists and turns, the ups and downs you have no concept of which way you are facing or which way you are going. It’s difficult to then relate one section to another. I couldn’t get out of one tube and then point to where I had just come from or even worse try and walk back to where the tube had just brought me from. I just can’t physically relate or join one area of London to another; they are just completely separate and individual areas only accessible via the underground.

Now the main purpose of our visit was of course to go to the theatre. I absolutely adore the theatre, everything about it is magical from the moment you see the signs illuminated in a dozen lights outside to the final curtain call. It is the one thing that will draw me back to London time and time again. The magnificence of the buildings, the grandeur and the history always makes me feel like a small child stood in front of a wise old giant of a man. A man that could tell me so much and show me so much, could educate me and invoke emotions so deep and thought provoking that will make you stop all that you are doing and just listen, to just travel with him as he takes you on a magical journey of his own creation. If you give yourself over to this wise man in front of you, trust yourself in his embrace and travel with him you will experience life as it was meant to be experienced, on a level unachievable in the normal day to day existence we all live. For a few hours life will be enchanting, your own world will be placed on hold as you become a part of the building and its history.
I am quite old fashioned and maybe even snobby about the theatre, I would be extremely happy if there was still an enforced dress code, if men still had to wear dinner jackets and the ladies in magnificent gowns. I think it would only enhance what is already a very special occasion. Some people may say that this would reduce its attraction to some people and maybe make it into more of an exclusive membership instead of something for the people no matter what class you belong. But this is not true; the theatre has always been for everyone albeit in earlier years it was more segregated, the stalls area of the theatre that on the ground floor, level to the stage used to be the cheapest seats in the house. The floor was often muddy and dirty and was considered to be an area for the less fortunate although was later realised that they were experiencing so much more by being so close to the performance on stage and in recent years has become the most expensive seats in the house with the exception of the private boxes. The Royal circle and the upper circle, the areas for those that used to have money and stature are now the cheaper seats.
I am not about to write a review on the show itself, that is not my place to do, we are all individuals and will find some things pleasing that others will not, all I will say is that it was fabulous and I thoroughly enjoyed it. There is not a single aspect of the theatre that I do not enjoy, from the fantasy world played out in front of me to the interval drinks, from the lights to the music, the costumes to the props, from the actors to the musicians, I wouldn’t change a thing. Throw all of these things together and a whole lot more and you have an occasion that will stay with you forever, something that you will want to pass on to others.
As I touched upon earlier the theatre isn’t what it once was with the dress code etcetera, and on this occasion I found further changes to the spectacle that I had not noticed before. On occasion I have had the misfortune of somebody’s mobile phone ringing or to have somebody nosily rustling sweets, all of which can abruptly awaken you from the dream like world you had previously been enjoying. But on this occasion it was taken to a whole new level. At the interval Denzel and I went for our pre-ordered interval drinks, we stood there talking and watching those around us when I happened to notice a young lady carrying what appeared to be two pizza boxes, on closer inspection and observation this was in fact exactly what it was, she carried them along with a light silk scarf and stood at the bar chatting momentarily. I had not witnessed from where she came and she walked off eventually in the opposite direction from us. I came to the conclusion that surely she was a member of staff and had popped out to get some food for the actors or the backstage crew. I left it at this and didn’t give it much more mind. Denzel and I went on to finish our drinks and then make our way back to our seats. We had a few moments before the show resumed and Denzel lent me his operatic binoculars which he had earlier hired from the dispenser in the chair, (I’m not going to go into the near criminal damage inflicted on the London Palladium by Denzel after the machine swallowed his money and didn’t initially release the binoculars). So there I am looking through the binoculars scanning the stage and the auditorium when I spot the pizza girl I had seen at the bar, there she was sitting on the opposite end to where we were still clasping the two pizza boxes and the light silk scarf. I sit there in disbelief that this girl intends to eat the pizza during the performance, had I been sitting anywhere near her I would have been compelled to say something, to be honest I had to restrain myself from walking over to where she was and saying something, thankfully she was so far away to not destroy the illusion for me, once the lights went down I forgot about her and her pizza and let myself slip back into the fantasy world. But there was a small part of me that hung onto it, I half expected a delivery boy to arrive and bring somebody a curry. The fact that somebody felt it was acceptable and the fact that it was allowed amazes me and still amazes me as I write this. Has this country fallen to such a level where rules and acceptable behaviour can no longer not only be enforced but put in place in the first instance? Surely the smell of pizza would have ruined the experience for those sat anywhere near this young lady? I am extremely self conscious about how I move about and reposition myself in my seat to remain comfortable so as to not disturb those around me. If I were to take some food into the show I would be incredibly selective over what I took. Crisps would of course be out, as would anything with wrappers, sweets in bags would have to be tested for how much noise they made and most certainly nothing with any kind of overpowering smell would even be considered. What this woman was thinking I could not say. I can only assume that this behaviour is considered normal for her, I just cannot conceive it and maybe that says more about me then her but so be it.
Exit stage right pizza girl.

Should anybody read this that has any influence in such matters please may I request that dress code is re-established, even if it is for just one special night a week or a month, but that more importantly rules are set in place as to what is acceptable practice and that anybody seen carrying pizza boxes should not be allowed within fifty feet of the main entrance let alone let into the auditorium.

Enjoy the theatre; it is a spectacle and a marvellous tradition to be enjoyed by everyone, from the young to the old. Revel in it and if you have the opportunity to introduce somebody to it then do so, it is one of the greatest gifts you can give to another.
Check your worldly coat at the door and enter a world of fantasy and fiction, of story telling and drama and of magic and emotions.