The Truth Is In There

Why do women, with whom you have a relationship with, at some point, normally at a time in the day when you are quite happily just enjoying each others company but not holding any kind of conversation turn to you and ask

“What are you thinking?”

Why?

You will never hear a man ask his significant other this question. What is it within a woman that makes her ask this? Why does she want to know? Does she really want to know or is she looking for some kind of fabricated answer?

The knee jerk reaction for most men when the question is posed is to simply say,

“Nothing”

To which the woman will almost definitely reply

“You must be thinking something.”

Women obviously have underestimated mans ability to do absolutely nothing. It is a practiced and mastered skill. A man can waste hours, days, even weeks and not accomplish a damn thing. Training normally begins in our early teens and is mastered over the years that follow. It takes very little for a man to empty his mind of everything; to be perfectly honest there normally isn’t a great deal to empty. We are skilled in the art of doing nothing.

However, women in general will not accept this fact and continue to push you for an answer. At this point man attempts to jump start his mind from the state of nothingness, this is a feat in itself comparable to trying to start an old car on a cold and frosty morning, once ignited back into life man will attempt to conjure up a believable answer and at the same time try to seize the opportunity of acquiring some much needed brownie points from his beloved. This is where we often fall down, having struggled for years to comprehend the female mind we truly believe that she wants to hear something along the lines of, “I was just thinking how beautiful you are”, or “I was just thinking how lucky I am to be with you”, or worse still “I was just contemplating our relationship and think we should discuss taking it to the next level”.

The problem with this is that most women will see straight through this, and although most will be grateful that you tried would much rather have heard the truth.

Now this really can pose a problem. Women don’t need to know the truth; not really, they may think that they do but honestly they are much better kept in the dark about the inner workings of the male psyche. The truth will only ever make your good lady think less of you and knock a few feet off the pedestal that I am sure she holds you on.

A woman doesn’t want to know that whilst walking through the town with her you are thinking what it would be like to be a Transformer and that at any point the VW Golf parked across the road could suddenly spring into life and attack you. That you would then engage in a ferocious battle to the death in order to save the human race from complete annihilation. She also doesn’t need to know that during your romantic stroll through the park you are under the belief that you are an international spy and that the bench by the bush would make a good drop off point for the micro film you earlier acquired from the Russians. That it provides good all round visibility for any impending dangers and the bridge crossing the stream will make the perfect observation point to witness the pick up.

None of this information will be of any benefit to the young lady. You are much better off having to sit down and discuss the future of your relationship, which as all men know is a complete minefield but does offer you the opportunity to once again empty your mind of everything and nod at the appropriate times for good measure throwing in occasional noises of agreement and is a far better outcome than your other half discovering that you want to be Bond, James Bond.



When the inevitable question is posed, no matter what you do, do not mention the truth, as far as women are concerned the truth most definitely is not out there.

Lost?

Someone once said that to find yourself you must first be lost. But what is finding yourself? Is it simply knowing yourself? But then how well do any of us really know ourselves? Unless placed in a specific situation can we honestly answer what our response or actions would be? We can all surmise what we would or wouldn’t do but unless we are actually placed in the scenario do we truly know? I would like to think that I know how I would behave if for example I saw somebody being attacked or if I saw a child run out in front of a car but without it ever actually happening I don’t think I could hold my hand on my heart and say that is what I would do.

Maybe it is something deeper than that, maybe I need to be lost first before I could even contemplate answering this. Life is a constant discovery of oneself, from the moment we are born our brains start to learn and adapt and continue to do so until our last breath. Life and the people around us help mould us in our formative years into the person we are now. We subconsciously draw from every encounter we make, we mimic characteristics we like in others, adapt them for ourselves. So in effect knowing ourselves we must know those around us. How many times has a sibling said to you “you are just like mum when you do that.”? Or “you remind me of such and such when you look like that.”?

I picture our path of discovery and growth as a lump of plasticine. Initially unformed, but soon we take shape, then along the way we meet and bump into other lumps of plasticine and bits of us adhere to them just as bits of them adhere to us and before too long we are no longer as pure as we once were. There are now lots of different bits of coloured plasticine, bits of grit and dirt, grim and filth we have picked up along the way. We are now an amalgamation of our continuing growth, relationships, wrong turns and right turns. We are not only the decisions we have made along the way but partly the decisions made by others around us. I’m sure most of us at some point in our lives, either as children or now as parents have had a piece of plasticine like this and have tried to clean it of all the dirt, tried to separate all the foreign bodies and return it to the solitary colour it once was. It might be too far to go as to say it’s impossible but it can’t be far from it. To remove every speck of dust it has picked up, every stray hair, every bit of colour from another would take a life time of work and patience. And for every speck removed I’m sure another would soon attach itself. I wonder if at any point in our life we would ever be as pure as that which we first were.

As I write this I am becoming aware of the spiritual aspect to the questions being posed and maybe God, in whatever form you believe is the only answer. Maybe only he or she would have the patience and willingness to cleanse what has been so appallingly tarnished and transformed from the original form. Maybe it’s at the point that we drop to our knees and cry out for help that we have become truly lost. The years of constant bombardment from the world’s effluence has left us so burdened that we have no option but to fall to our knees.

Will we ever find ourselves? Maybe not, maybe we do need to get lost first; maybe we need to ask for help out of the maze of life before we can be found.



Maybe we need to find ourselves in others and them in us to truly understand who we really are.

A marriage made in heaven?

I was talking to a very good friend the other day who had just managed to conjure up enough influence over his good lady wife to make her see sense that their out of date television required a facelift and brought into the 21st century. It wasn’t a particularly bad telly and as far as I am aware still functioned adequately, but it was starting to show it’s age, the wood panelling on the sides was fading and my friend had heard rumours that you could now get TV’s where you don’t have to get up to change channels.

So with various rules and a budget laid out by the wife, Denzel (who’s name I have changed to protect his identity), went out to find his new best friend. As all men know the relationship you have with your television is a very special one, it’s built up over the years and has a strong foundation. You cannot rush into a purchase. It is an intimate thing between you and the TV, it must feel right. Research has to be done, comparisons made, prices evaluated. You are about to embark on what you hope to be a long term relationship and this should never be taken lightly. This is not going to be a one night stand. It’s precious. Special.

Having scoured the internet for his new companion a decision was made and the new high definition LCD TV was purchased. Once home it was carefully removed from its packaging and given pride of place in the living room. Batteries were inserted, protective film removed and, unfortunately, knowing Denzel the manual was discarded. (I have tried to educate him on the male pastime of reading manuals but to no avail). The power button was pressed, tiny virgin circuit boards sparked into existence and the screen came into focus. Denzel was then most probably bombarded by various setup options and in a moment of hysteria, having bashed away at a few buttons and thinking his new love is broken, scrambled through the vast quantities of unnecessary packaging in a desperate search for the discarded manual. Eventually after a few hours of, (lets be honest here Denzel) trial and error the TV finally found reception and an array of stations unveiled themselves.
Denzel sat back and gazed admiringly at his new love. He knew that this was forever, that life would never be the same again, life for Denzel now held new meaning, new purpose. Sitting alone the new marriage was consummated as Denzel explored every inch of his new significant other. The commitment was made; there was no going back now, although, it should be noted, the only difference with this marriage is that it is perfectly acceptable to cheat on your TV with another. It really is a case of trading her in for a new model. This is primarily because unlike your actual wife your TV will not cut up your clothes, kick you in an area that should only ever be treated nicely and generally make life a living hell for you. The only similarity is that it will end up costing you vast quantities of money.

Denzel marvelled at the picture clarity, waded through the new ocean of sound he was immersed in and found new depths he had never reached in previous relationships. At this point the lady of the house returned. Denzel sat there, silent, proud, awaiting the much deserved praise from his now slightly less significant other. The lady of the house uttered the inevitable words,

“It doesn’t match the cabinet.”

And that my friend is why men and women are so different. Men will admire and respect the creation of other men, praise them for there good deeds shower them with gifts for a job well done, place them on a pedestal so high they share company with the clouds.

Women on the other hand will just find the mistakes, the slight imperfections and flaws and then endeavour to change and correct, amend and make perfect that which was undesirable, iron out the creases and create something which man never had the vision for in the first place. Woman will in essence make what we thought was already perfect, better and then go about reminding us of it on a daily basis…

Any Dream Will Do

I have decided that my New Years resolutions will no longer take the format of “I must give up this…” or “I must stop doing that…” Instead, from this point on my resolutions will be more positive. I am going to resolve to do things instead of stopping things. For example this year my resolution is to do a parachute jump. It’s something I have always wanted to do but just never got round to it. It is a familiar line of thought that resolutions are broken within the first week or two and I think this is primarily because you are resolving to do or stop something that you don’t particularly want to do or stop. Resolutions often take the format of attempting to give up bad habits or unhealthy actions. But why should they? Why not resolve to do something you are actually going to enjoy? Surely this way you actually stand a chance of keeping said resolution. And along the way of keeping your promise to yourself you may actually enjoy yourself, enrich your life or fulfil a long lost or forgotten dream.

I’m sure all of us had dreams when we were younger which we have never accomplished. How many of us wanted to be Fire-fighter’s, Police, Vets, Zoo Keepers, Astronauts, Pilots? And how many of us actually saw those dreams to fruition? Most things these days can now be accomplished with a little thought, you just need to look on the internet for all the various “Experience” web sites. With a little research I’m sure most of our dreams and fantasies could be played out and achieved, albeit in some cases for maybe only a few hours or a day but surely that is better than having never done it? And I know, before you say it, doing some of these things may not be cheap, especially the whole Astronaut thing.

BUT…

Are we not worth it? Are our dreams not that precious to at least try and make them come true? But saying that, I also realise that we still need to remain realistic, spending however many millions it is to travel to Russia and be launched into space to dock with a space station may not be in the average families budget. So at this point, should your dream be out of financial reach, call upon that often little used part of our brain and use your imagination. Maybe you cannot actually go for a space walk, but I’m sure you could visit NASA or sit in the shuttle or try on a space suit. Who knows what’s achievable? But without trying you’ll never know and your dream will remain just that.

So why not this year resolve to make your dreams come true? It sounds so much better than I'm giving up smoking... Again.

A Fitter New Year

What is it about the New Year and joining the gym? Do we all really feel so guilty for enjoying ourselves over a two maybe three day period that we force ourselves to believe we must now spend a small fortune and burn off the few extra calories we have consumed celebrating the festive season? OK so maybe we overindulged a little, had one too many roast potatoes, the odd extra serving of pudding or maybe a glass of sherry over the limit. But should we really punish ourselves for it?



The problem is, is that it is all too easy to overindulge during the season. No matter where you go you will find tempting goodies to lead you away from the strict healthy diet I’m sure we all live by the rest of the year. Suddenly as if by magic small containers of nibbles adorn every mantelpiece and table, filled with nuts and sweeties, Twigglets and other savoury delights. It’s almost an automatic reaction when walking past any such receptacle that your hand will reach out and pick up a handful of the mouth watering delights. You cannot even escape at work, bosses all across the country suddenly racked with guilt over their overworked employees feel that they need to do something to show their appreciation at Christmas.

But what?

What will show them that I am thinking of them but will not cost me too much? And so, all of a sudden office desks find tins of various brightly coloured chocolates and toffees laid across them. And, for the even further guilt burdened boss you may even be treated to some home made mince pies which have been laboured over by Mrs Boss or maybe a cheap bottle of plonk from the local supermarket.



So here we are in January, maybe we have had to loosen the belt by a notch or two but no more so than a good night out at the local curry house and yet we all feel the need to run, ok drive to the nearest gym and hand over our hard earned savings so that we can not go and use their expensive torture equipment. We all know that only a small handful, the tiniest of percentages of people that sign up to gym membership in January will actually still be going a month or two later. If you were of the inclination to keep fit and active you would already be a member. This is why every gym makes you sign up to twelve months. They know this fact too. They know its money for old rope and that within a couple of months they will be dipping into numerous bank accounts for people they have never seen.



I have to admit that knowing all of this I have still fallen head first into the alluring hold of my local gymnasium. I have, along with the vast majority signed up for membership, fooling myself that I am actually one of the few people that want to keep fit and active but have just so happened to choose January to join under the pretence that gym’s will be offering good deals on membership to snare the unsuspecting bloated, guilt ridden post Christmas public. Somewhere in my mind a voice tells me that I will go on a regular basis, I will enjoy my time there and my new found levels of fitness, that by this time next year I’ll be entering the London Marathon. However, hidden even deeper is a quieter voice, one that tells me to stop being so foolish, to save my money and stay at home, trying in desperation to convince me that I will be one of the ill fated masses that will continue to pay on a monthly basis for a gym I do not use. However this voice is soon overpowered and gagged by the much larger, more powerful voice that believes in the dream and fantasy of winning Olympic gold.



But what are we to do? Once snared by the all powerful gym we are theirs for a minimum of twelve months. The answer, I’m afraid eludes me. So for now until a solution can be found I will see you all at the gym,




or maybe not...

Happy New Year

Well that's it. The bells of the New Year have tolled, the party poppers have all been popped, Champaign drunk, dances danced, kisses stolen and resolutions most likely already broken.
Two thousand and nine is upon us all and with it brings twelve brand new months full of unknown joys, tears, love, laughter, births, deaths, trials, tribulations and adventures.
For some of us they have started already, a new horizon dawning on an old life already full of memories and experience, for others theirs is the expectation of what is yet to come. Wars won and lost, defeats commiserated and victories celebrated. As it was written and loved by so many I say to thee do not go gentle into that good night, fight the good fight, live life to the full, if it has made you smile have no regrets, only regret those things you wished to have done, decisions you wish you had made, embrace life with all that is within you, take hold of it with one hand and with the other take hold of your loved ones and carry them with you on the adventure we are all embarking upon, take the road less travelled and experience life to the full. Life is addictive and infectious; once you have sampled it you will want more as will those around you. Every now and then step across the line and break the rules. You are never too old, too fragile, too poor to say yes to an adventure. Step out, step up and be noticed. Recognise your own potential and aim for only the very best. Lick the lid of life and believe your own hype.
We are all true believers in dreams and fantasies, in knights and princesses, in gold and rainbows, in once upon a time and riding off into the sunset. Don't let the world around us spoil the life within us. When all around us seems lost it takes only the smallest of lights to make the darkness retreat. Reminisce but don't live in the past, what's done is done and what will be will be, keep your eyes on what's to come if you are too busy looking at the past you may miss your future. Live the dream we all had when we were too young to know any better, find the child within yourself and let them out to play, take the time out to stop and look around once in a while, recognise the true gifts you have been given and never for one second take them for granted or one day you may find them gone. When you love somebody, love them, do not hold back, love them with all that you have, you will never run out of love so why keep it to yourself? Emotions are a gift from God, all of them, embrace them and understand them, they help to create and mould you into the person you are destined to be. Never be afraid to know what's around the corner, do not fear change it will enrich your life if you let it.
Life is there to be lived, so live it, you are not a passenger on this trip, and where you go is up to you and only you. If you stay in neutral you won't get very far and only have yourself to blame. Start the engine and see where the road takes you.
Enjoy 2009, I hope our paths will cross and that we can travel together for some of the journey.