A marriage made in heaven?

I was talking to a very good friend the other day who had just managed to conjure up enough influence over his good lady wife to make her see sense that their out of date television required a facelift and brought into the 21st century. It wasn’t a particularly bad telly and as far as I am aware still functioned adequately, but it was starting to show it’s age, the wood panelling on the sides was fading and my friend had heard rumours that you could now get TV’s where you don’t have to get up to change channels.

So with various rules and a budget laid out by the wife, Denzel (who’s name I have changed to protect his identity), went out to find his new best friend. As all men know the relationship you have with your television is a very special one, it’s built up over the years and has a strong foundation. You cannot rush into a purchase. It is an intimate thing between you and the TV, it must feel right. Research has to be done, comparisons made, prices evaluated. You are about to embark on what you hope to be a long term relationship and this should never be taken lightly. This is not going to be a one night stand. It’s precious. Special.

Having scoured the internet for his new companion a decision was made and the new high definition LCD TV was purchased. Once home it was carefully removed from its packaging and given pride of place in the living room. Batteries were inserted, protective film removed and, unfortunately, knowing Denzel the manual was discarded. (I have tried to educate him on the male pastime of reading manuals but to no avail). The power button was pressed, tiny virgin circuit boards sparked into existence and the screen came into focus. Denzel was then most probably bombarded by various setup options and in a moment of hysteria, having bashed away at a few buttons and thinking his new love is broken, scrambled through the vast quantities of unnecessary packaging in a desperate search for the discarded manual. Eventually after a few hours of, (lets be honest here Denzel) trial and error the TV finally found reception and an array of stations unveiled themselves.
Denzel sat back and gazed admiringly at his new love. He knew that this was forever, that life would never be the same again, life for Denzel now held new meaning, new purpose. Sitting alone the new marriage was consummated as Denzel explored every inch of his new significant other. The commitment was made; there was no going back now, although, it should be noted, the only difference with this marriage is that it is perfectly acceptable to cheat on your TV with another. It really is a case of trading her in for a new model. This is primarily because unlike your actual wife your TV will not cut up your clothes, kick you in an area that should only ever be treated nicely and generally make life a living hell for you. The only similarity is that it will end up costing you vast quantities of money.

Denzel marvelled at the picture clarity, waded through the new ocean of sound he was immersed in and found new depths he had never reached in previous relationships. At this point the lady of the house returned. Denzel sat there, silent, proud, awaiting the much deserved praise from his now slightly less significant other. The lady of the house uttered the inevitable words,

“It doesn’t match the cabinet.”

And that my friend is why men and women are so different. Men will admire and respect the creation of other men, praise them for there good deeds shower them with gifts for a job well done, place them on a pedestal so high they share company with the clouds.

Women on the other hand will just find the mistakes, the slight imperfections and flaws and then endeavour to change and correct, amend and make perfect that which was undesirable, iron out the creases and create something which man never had the vision for in the first place. Woman will in essence make what we thought was already perfect, better and then go about reminding us of it on a daily basis…